Those Phrases from My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk between men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - going on a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."