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As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, often causing lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.